I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
