anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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