the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
People in love make me want to vomit
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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