come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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