i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
