My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
