Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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