I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
