My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this will be a night to untag.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
