I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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