saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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