U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
