just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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