Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
