Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
