the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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