Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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