Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
