I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
