I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
