She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
