I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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