look no pants
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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