Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
