Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
