the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So squirting runs in the family.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize