i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She announced her abortion via fbk
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
