Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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