Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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