We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
