The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
