And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
