I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
