Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
