My underwear smells like fireworks.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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