If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
