Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My vagina is officially offended.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
