I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
