Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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