You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
