I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
