I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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