What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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