she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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