Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
