I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
