i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
