I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
