I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
