I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
