He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
