I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
COCAINE IS GR8
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
