The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
