i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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