The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
