I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
