she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
