i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
