Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
