dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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