Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
