Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
