no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
