this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
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