And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize