I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
