I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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