Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
