where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
