chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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