I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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