the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
