How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
