why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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