He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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