its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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