You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
