Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Will you blow on my dice?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
