Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
